The Role of Children

Recently in a discussion of woman’s right to choice, a self-described radical feminist wrote that pregnancy is harm and therefore all vaginal penetration by penis is rape.

In contrast, I thought of Judaism where intercourse is the woman’s right. It only made sense to me. The Law of Moses was written in a time before Social Security or even financial insurance. So a woman would have children in the hopes they’d look after her when she was old. Having a child was one of the few ways a woman could exert some control in an uncertain world; it was empowering.

But I don’t even have to go back to ancient Israel to find benefits in having children. I can look in my own family. When my grandfather passed away, my grandmother needed to sell the old house and move into an eldercare community. My aunt was there to help her thru the process. My childless great aunt on the other hand is gradually developing dementia as she lives in squalor in her one bedroom apartment. She doesn’t have the soundness of mind to find eldercare herself and doesn’t have anyone who is there to help her, leaving us extended relatives wanting to help but hesitant to be principally responsible for her.

Yet increasingly I hear women today only talk about the costs of pregnancy. Granted, having a child at this stage in my life would set my financial security back considerably, too. But I view children as an investment with a high upfront cost to put down, not as an absolute liability.

Perhaps our social safety networks and sense of individualism have come so far that women want to be allowed to live just for themselves. Perhaps children aren’t such an advantage anymore. But then why do women keep having them, I wondered. Then I thought of helicopter moms and a terrible concept came to mind: children as self-actualization project.